Sometimes, words do mean more than actions .

Today, my mom told my brother & I to be careful what you say when you're mad at a person, because whether it's good or bad, you can never take back what you said. Knowing me, I say hurtful things when I'm upset. I say things to get under a persons skin. But when it's flipped back on me, I don't know how to act.

Recently, someone hurt me verbally & mentally. Someone I loved. Someone who I thought I could trust. Someone who was my everything & so much more. They said the most hurtful words. I've never even seen this side of this mysterious person. He's never been a disrespectful person, his mom raised him better. Maybe because he was hurt, he felt the need to lash out in this way. But that just goes to show that he needs to learn how to handle anger & pain. As I was talking to my best friend, I realized it hurt me more because I was in love with the person. Had it been just any random person, I probally wouldn't have cared. But because this person meant soo much to me, I kinda lost my mind & manners. Theres nothing I can do to justify the situation. I just have to remain positive about everything, no matter how bad it gets.

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes. Just yesterday, I had a conversation with my cousin, Shaun. I told him that I didn't know why I did half the bad things I did. And I came to the conclusion that I do it out of impulse. When you're going through a lot, you just do things to get attention when you feel you aren't getting enough. And maybe that's what happend to me. I got all the attention, I was the center of attention, in the most negative way. Now I hate it. I hate that I craved so much attention because now I'm the center of attention. And usually, people would love that. But I hate it. It's like, whenever I go somewhere.. people are waiting for me to do something because I'm known to be the girl that's always up to something. Smh. I've lost so much by wanting all the attention. Now I know not to do things to draw attention to me. If being real, real lowkey means no attention, then that's what I'm gonna do..

Currently Listening to : Jamie Foxx - INTUITION cd.

That's all for now.
<3